Advice for family of 80 yr old grandfather with alzheimers?

my grandfather has alzheimers and his wife just died. it's not too severe yet, he can still take care of himself, but he needs someone to remind him to do stuff (dr. appointments, take medicine, ect). and more than that, he needs companionship. he's horrified of the idea of living in a retirement home (or as he calls it the old folks home). so, we are trying to get people to live with him. (you know, from those companies that have employies that their entire job is living with and taking care of an elderly person). but he doesn't like this either. he refuses to like any of the people that we put with him. he wants to either live by himself or live with us. but, we can't leave him alone and we can't be his main caretakers. there's just no way. but he can't grasp either thing. he's always sad, depressed, ect. he used to be the happiest person i knew. i know that losing a spouse of 54 years is hard, but we've got to get him to accept the fact that he has to have someone living with himAdvice for family of 80 yr old grandfather with alzheimers?
I'm very sorry to hear of your situation and my heart goes out to you all.


You need to try and sit down and have a talk with him explaining your concerns.


You might want to get him some counseling or find a support group for him.


My grandmother was in the same situation but she soon died of a broken heart. We had gone thru many agencies and finally found someone.


Try talking with the rest of the family to see if their could be someone else to help try and take care of him. Maybe the local YMCA or hospital can give advice on places he can go for companionship.


I wish you all the best of luck.Advice for family of 80 yr old grandfather with alzheimers?
Very tough situation. I'll pray for you.
I'm sorry to hear this. It is certainly tough on you and your family.





Older folks have a difficulty in adjustment to something new/strange. Perhaps that is the reason for his declining the service you mentioned. Is it possible for you to discuss with the company to help by introducing the service of the employee in stages. e.g. Let grandpa meet the person for a chat for a few times, than for a meal, then let the person help him with some activities in his daily living, before proceeding with having the person live in with him.





Your family would give need to give the necessary support by being around as that person ';break in'; slowly, to build rapport and gain your grandpa's trust.





Other alternatives:





1) Accede to your grandpa's request. Have him to live in with you. Since he has been staying over for weekends, I suppose living space is not the issue. As for his care and supervision while you are at work, perhaps a neighbour or two would be glad to have him during the day while you are at work.





2) Another avenue is to place him in a Day Centre during your absense.





After work, you could bring him home either from your neighbour or the Day Centre.





Yes, you would need to sacrifise on your privacy to a certain degree. But, think of the sacrifice you made for the family when he was young. Further, in all possibility, even if you want to, he won't have many years with you.
Why can't he live with his family? There is no possible way it could work out? Who are you putting first here? In many other countries all over the world, families take care of their elderly and disabled in the home. It is so sad that people want to shirk their responsibilities to eachother as human beings, and throw our elderly in homes to die. Make his last few years happy. Bring Gramps home.


Edit: i understand the difficulties with an elderly family member who has dementia. my grandfather lives in a retirement home, and just had surgery on a skin infe ction due to neglect of his caregivers. perhaps you could find a home health care nurse or organization that would care for him in a more comfortable and safe surrounding to him? good luck and god bless.

laura mercier