Monday, August 23, 2010

I am terrified of having my child around my family! Advice?

My Grandmother thinks she is the boss of the in tire family and extended family. She give kids candy and pop even tho the parents say No. She will spank the kids and correct them if tho the parents are not for spanking.


My mother will do things her way with her nieces and nephews etc. She too will spoil them do what she thinks is best.





I am having my first child this fall. This will be my mothers first grandbaby and my grandmothers 3rd Great grandchild.





I am worried about what my mother and grandmother will do. If they don't respect my cousins wishes what makes me think they will respect mine? Advice?I am terrified of having my child around my family! Advice?
move away. far far awayI am terrified of having my child around my family! Advice?
I understand why you are so worried. If what your mother and grandmother do with children of the family worries you too much, then keep your child away from them as much as possible. This will be tough battle as it appears that your mother and grandmother are used to getting their way and won't bow out gracefully. The best thing would be to try to get them to understand your feelings about this, but I suspect that may not be possible, at least quickly and easily. You are the child's mother and the ultimate decision on how to handle your situation is up to you. Do what you think is best for your child, whatever that may be.
These are the exact reasons my mother moved from New York to Texas. She didn't want her mother-in-law overriding her decisions on how to raise her kids and she did something about it. However, I didn't get to know my grandmother very well either. So think hard about your decision. You may let her know your strong feelings about this and the consequences of not following your desire on how you want to raise your child. How did she raise her family? Did they turn out to be great people? Consider that too.
You will have some hurt feelings but let them know from day one that you are the parent and you and only you will disciple and you and only you will be the parent. Explain your not saying they can't love and be around your child but you are the parent. If they get mad, let them! Your child is what is important even if you have to separate yourself from them. It will be a new life after the baby is born so prepare for it early. Your baby comes first.
THat's a tough one. I would stay away from them as much as possible. People try to do that to my kids all the time. I've taught my kids to tell people they are not allowed to have chocolate and candy while they are away from me (visiting their dad or whatever). I hate when people correct my kids. I just try to avoid the situation all together.
You should have your own place to stay. Of course you can visit them say once a week or twice a month whatever you want. In that way, they can't manipulate the child or do their way. It's your responsibility to discipline your children. Do what you think is best.
They wont and you will have to stand up to them, remember its your child and you are the adult, make sure that you have your husband support and that he will back you up all the way.
tell them that it is your child and if they can not obey your wishes that they can stay away and that you will not bring your child around them
Advice on what? If you don't want your child to stay over at the grandparent or the great grand, then don't.
Don't go to their houses often, and when you do, stay within arm's reach of your child.
Just don't leave the baby alone with them.





Congrats!
tell them if they dont than you will not be bringing the baby around much.
How do you feel about the way you were brought up?? I'm sure you got a spanking or two in your lifetime when you deserved them.. They taught you to do what's right, and are very much responsible for who you are today. How good of a job did they do? What do you think of the way you turned out? Were they really that wrong in how they raised you?? I think they might have the advantage of experience on their side here. Ever think they might know something you don't?? Maybe if you talked to them you could come to a compromise. I'm sure that when you were little, you were told not to do something. It made you mad, and you went ahead and did it anyway. Same applies here... if you tell them ';no'; they'll do it anyway. Ohh..... and by the way.... that's exactly what Grandmothers are for...... to spoil and love their grandchildren. If you talk to them, maybe you can get them to throttle back a little.... to a point that everyone can live with..... and avoid all the family arguments that will happen over it.
FORGET the idea that YOU can or will change either of them. Many grandparents feel it is their ';right'; to spoil grand kids for whatever reason, and that is exactly what they do. You can TRY and talk to your Mother about your fear NOW, but as far as the Grandmother, don't bother. Your Grandmother IS the Matriarch of the family, so actually you all are SUPPOSED to respect her - even if you do not agree. I made the fatal mistake of asking my Grandmother to please stop talking bad about my Father, and she got SO angry she refused to talk to me ever again, and she cut me out of her will.





No doubt you will get A LOT of flack if you decide to not leave your kids with them. Be prepared for the guilt trips, bad mouthing, put downs, and possibly being disowned. The bottom line is, if you cannot handle people ';spoiling'; your kids or disciplining them different than you would, then by all means stand your ground. Have you thought about what you are going to say when your child asks WHY they cannot spend time alone with the Grandparents?
Talk to them about this before you give birth. Let them know you want them to respect you and your husbands decisions on how to discipline your child. Even though you tell them this they will still get on to them when acting up, hopefully they won't cross any of your boundaries. Just ask them to make sure the punishment matches the crime.





When it comes to spoiling, there you're kind of screwed. That's a perk grandparents, aunts, and uncles get. The fill them with sugar and junk food then send them home to you to deal with. When my 13 yr old nephew was a baby my dad would constantly say, ';Grandpas don't do diapers. Grandpas just play with 'em.';
Approach your mother first and do so now, before you have the baby. I would suggest working it into conversation a few times before you approach it directly. Bring up how you're looking to go organic and to avoid what seems to happen so much lately with children - spoiled etc. Then, after a few gentle hints, approach her directly with your concerns about wanting to make sure your child is not spoiled. Also, try to ask her for advice in areas with which you DO agree...it will make her feel like you still appreciate her suggestions. Lastly, realize that almost all grandparents spoil their grandchildren...it's what grandparents do. Cut her a little slack in this regard, after all she raised you and you didn't turn out so bad :)





As for your grandmother - either have your mom talk to her or approacher her yourself (whichever you feel more comfortable with). Start by mentioning how you've read quite a bit of information from child psycologists who've researched the negative effects of spanking and child obesity. Drop hints that you want to raise your child in a very 21st century way which means organic foods, few sugary sweets, time outs etc.





If you think she will say this is redicilous, then simply be direct with her. After all, this will be your child and you have a right to make healthy choices for him/her just as your grandmother had the right to make those choices for her own chldren.





Best advice - stick to your guns on this one. It's difficult to undo later on.
  • laura mercier
  • Fmla family medical leave act need advice?

    i am thinking about applying for fmla at my job but before i do what r the pros and cons of it.Fmla family medical leave act need advice?
    FMLA is a great way of protecting yourself and your job. I didn't find any cons with it personally. Without it though I would have lost my job for being absent due to my son's illness.Fmla family medical leave act need advice?
    you do not get paid for the days you take off. your company will now have a diagnosis of your medical condition. or your family members diagnosis. if you decide that you want to have extra life insurance , there is now a written record in the system that has your diagnosis code on it. if you ever really get seriously sick , and you want to keep some privacy it's best to ask your doctor to help you out. if you can afford it , pay cash for certain procedures/treatment. tell them you do not have insurance even if you do . change your address that you use for them.





    it's worse if you have a seirous health condition and they know it / because you will suddenly start being treated a lot different. you'll be passed over for good projects that you used to get. you will be left out of important meetings, you won't get copied on information you would have had before. get out of the loop because there is a perception that you are not going to be contributing as well or as much now and it's a question of time before you'll either quit on your own or they will make your life such a living hell that you have no other option.





    when there is a layoff / mass reorganization , you can probably expect to get layed off. mass reorg is legal time that they can fire you / not have any issues / because they are getting rid of lots of others at that time.





    while it is true you could take up to 12 weeks and they quarantee you a job, they are not going to like that you took of the time. they do not guarantee what kind of a job you will have when you come back.





    If you use fmla for something really serious / it would be best to ask you doctor not to put the real reason down / instead list several smaller complaints that you can reach a full recovery for. if the company things okay this is just a broken leg or whatever . they will be more liekly to tolerate your being out of the office than if they think you have cancer and will be taking treatments and might not make a full recovery. you'll be too expensive and they won't want to do without someone doing your job for a long time.





    when you take the fmla , use the time to look at other jobs, because you probably will not want to go back . you might get lucky and get a better office . it does have its benefits.

    Seniors - Do you follow your family doctor's advice to the letter?

    I listen to him, but use my own judgment. Once, my cholesterol number got up to 142, and he wanted it 139 or less..He told me he was putting me on Simvastin, and I told him I was not ready to start a medication regimen for 3 points, because of side effects...He said I would take the medication...I asked if he planned on coming to my home, and giving it to me everyday, because otherwise, I won't take it...I cut processed foods out of my diet, for two months, and my next check up the number was 124...Now it is 111....had it been 180, I may have considered it, but our health is a combination of doctors and our own choices....Seniors - Do you follow your family doctor's advice to the letter?
    I refuse to go to any ';Dr.'; (any longer) as most of them are in cahoots with the Pharmaceutical, hospitals, and the Insurance Companies.


    I do have access to a great Physician Assistant, in case of emergencies. He doesn't push drugs and has given me the best advice of any Dr. that I have ever been to in my entire life. Seniors - Do you follow your family doctor's advice to the letter?
    I have learned to question my Doctor, when he gives me a prescription. I was taking a ';pill'; which was giving me certain side effects. My Doctor gave me another ';pill'; for what he said, was a separate issue. However, after investigating, searching and going on the net looking at the side affects of the first pill, I found that the second ';issue'; was being caused by the first pill. My Doctor (who is a personal friend whom I could talk candidly to) said he didn't know the first pill was creating the second diagnosis. Once I stopped (No. 1) the second ';sickness'; stopped also.





    We have to use our common sense, and look out for ourselves as well as taking the Doctors recommendations. Who knows our bodies better than we do? There are so many pills being ';invented'; all with side affects of some kind. Keep your eyes on what is happening with your own body, and use your common sense if you find yourself getting ill.
    I have never believed that doctors are gods, although some of them seem to think they are. If his advice doesn't work out, he can always say, 'oops', but you might not survive to say that. If you have doubts about any drugs or medications that you are taking, read everything you can find about it and it's side effects and how it interacts with other medications. www.drugs.com is a fairly good place to start. Get all the information that you can. Everyone reacts to things a little differently and you can't be sure how your body will react to any thing.
    A few times I have told my doctor i didn't think he or she was right and then the reason. I usually was right because of the fact that the doctor had forgotten some fact back in my chart from a few years ago. I am a retired nurse and I can tell you that these doctors are so busy with so many patients and in such a changing world that they cannot keep up with everything and everyone. Help them out some and let them know you are not agreeing with them.
    I'm really glad that you weighed everything. I had a friend that started acting strange and really freaked out. He too was in pain, but his wife trusted the doctor and kept giving him the Lipitor and he's gone now. I've heard of several people having trouble with it or any statin. I'm a little concerned about Gluophage. There can be some bad side effects (even death) but he says the benifit outweighs the side effects. I just started it a couple days ago ,so I can't tell yet. I'm on Amoryl also. That's two high sugar pills and I'm just not too sure.Good luck and bless you. I get a PDR soft cover at CVS ( $6.95) every yeasr and look up every pill, side effects. doses, and drugs that interact and a couple times I found something I shouldn't take with another pill i was on, I called the doctor and he said to stop taking it that he overlooked it. So we have to check thiongs out. You're right they are not God- and can make mistakes. They are human.
    Iam a bi-och when it comes to doctors I question everything and look up everything he says I don't care how smart he is or how long he went to school he couldn't possible remember all that stuff. My dad thinks whatever they say is law he takes 14 pills a day I ask him do you know 2 are antidepressants and he said no! But he still takes it. oh well what you goneing to say.
    I don't have a family doctor. I take what I can get at the clinic or the ER Room when I HAVE to go. I tell them to keep their meds because I won't take them anyway. I want information on how I can work WITH what I have, rather than destroy what I happen to now have left to work with. It's a given that I am on my way out %26amp; I want to enjoy my time by not being numbed to the point of confusion %26amp; stupidity....which according to some folks, will say I am stuck with anyway!
    My mother found out the same thing. Good for you. Quality over quantity, I always say. I'd rather live life to the fullest now, although it may be shorter, than give up my life to live longer.





    I take my beta blocker. If I don't I have a heart racing at 200 beats per minute just walking across the room. But that will soon be done. I take my water pill, so I don't blow up like a melon. But as far as all the other drugs he wanted to put me on--well, I won't even let him do the tests.





    Yes, I decide on my health care. Not the doctor. I know women that go once a week to have their BP taken, but it is only borderline high. How dumb is that. I think they are (or their health insurance) being taken advantage of, and it just adds to the rest of the problems this country is facing with health care.
    No, our family doctor is also a good friend and I question him constantly about everything and every reason that he has for prescribing meds for my husband. I too, research everything that my husband takes and present him with a list of questions and arguments about all of them. He knows us well enough to be ready for me when we are in for a visit. In spite of him telling me that my gall bladder needs to come out, I will live with an attack now and then as long as I can stand the pain. I happen to think that I NEED my gall bladder. He shakes his head at me and says, ';You will probably outlive all of us.'; I don't take any prescribed medication of any kind but do take vitamin supplements and some herbs. My cholesterol,etc. etc. is like a youngster's. My husband's health is heartbreaking but I won't let him be poisoned with drugs if I can help it.
    I used to follow my doctors advice to the letter until he up and died a couple of years ago. He was 10 years younger than me and when I found out that he had died something told me that he really didn't know what he was talking about.





    Most of them don't.
    Yes , I had the same experience, and always remind myself that Doctors: Practice Medicine...


    Also, the worlds Worst Doctor is out there, and that's scary enough, but somebody has got an appointment with them tomorrow morning.





    Hope this helps, LOLO
    It depends on what advice and what the situation is. I ask tons of questions when I see my doctors and get as much information as i can. They don't know everything but i do heed most of the advice.
    It depends. Most of the time we agree on things so its not a problem. If I decide that I'm not going to follow his advice, I tell him and give him my reasoning. I'd rather be upfront so he knows what's going on.
    Since my heart attack, now, I try to follow a dietitians advice (difficult), but I do come close to following my doctor's instructions.
    Over the years I've found that Doctors seem to guess as much as I have. SO....unless I can't help myself THEN I'll see one. I don't trust them anymore. They have been so wrong so many times. I'm healthier if I stay away from them!
    No. I used to until one had me taking diabetic medication when I wasn't diabetic. Now I go by how I feel and what I know about myself as well, and see another doctor if I think it's necessary.
    Most of the time i do, but there are times when i disagree. Especially with cholesterol medicine.
    Are you kidding? I won't even go to the doctor. They are


    all working for the drug companies. You will stay a lot


    healthier by not taking their chemical potions.
    I try his recommendations - and if they work - fine! If not, I tend to let his recommendations fall by the wayside! Good Q. CJ
    Only if I agree with him.
    No. Doctors tend to want to ';dope you up'; and I'm not for that at all. Drugs are drugs whether you legalize them or not.
    Yes I do. I have had the same doctor for years and he has never steered me wrong.
    You bet I do.
    I listen to, and respect my doctor -- then do my own thing to a degree.
    I'm afraid not.
    Yes, I do %26amp; I'd be afraid to go against his orders because I have so much faith in him.
    yes -- why pay for advise if you are not going to accept it!!!

    I need major tips on planning my family's first trip to Disney World!! Any advice, suggestions?

    Well when I fist went to disney world we were he for 3 days and we sill didn't do everything so when you go you should go for like 5 days or so and stay at a hotel on the resort and you should get passes for every place there. Yeah so have funI need major tips on planning my family's first trip to Disney World!! Any advice, suggestions?
    I think that the first step is to plan how long the vacation will be, and how you are going to get there. I know that there are sites online that help you to find great deals, etc. I remember a few years ago, that my family received a discounted room, and some passes for going to listen to a sales pitch about time share condos. It was painful and annoying, but may be worth it, as Disney trips can be very expensive.





    Also talk to a travel agent, because they certainly know how to access deals and values, and help you to coordinate your trip. I hope that you have fun.

    How to ';run away'; from the negativity of family? Advice please?

    Ok, kind of a long story but anyways,


    For the past about 6 years, I haven't been all that happy or satisfied with life but I have always kept a positive attitude and respected everyone around me. Basically, any feeling i had I kept to myself.





    Just two weeks ago I had a mental breakdown, if you will, so i started seeking advice from school and yahoo answers. I kept everything secret from my family. And after seeking advice, I feel great. These past 2 weeks i have felt more alive than ever. Im happy again and no longer feel down 24/7.


    I decided that i needed to have a little fun, because i've never had a lot of fun in my life. Literally, never. So, I went with some friends to an upscale mexican nightclub and had fun. I was dancing with a girl who gave me her number because she wants to teach me ';how to dance like a mexican';, lol, Salsa etc.. She was really nice, and I was excited. About 2 in the morning I was feeling wasted and drunk but it was alright because my friends were helping me. They drove me home at 3 in the morning. My door was locked so I had to bang on it. I woke up the family, and from then I havent heard the end of it.





    They treat me like trash because i went out and had fun. They also are treating me like a 12 year old step child or something. They make me feel like trash and im just feeling like breaking down again. I dont know if i should just like get out now or what. it's kind of difficult. I cant take it anymore, its constant put down from them. They are always so negative. I love my family, but i mean there comes times when i just want to leave and never see them again.





    I know it kind of sounds like im mad or something so im taking it out here, but this is absolutely not the case. There's a part of me that can ignore it and go on, but i dont know if that healthy because ive done that in the past and nothing ever came of it. It just built up inside and things didnt turn out pretty.





    I mean the advice i would give myself would be to just forget about it and continue. To act like nothing has happened. I dont want to hurt my family but i also dont want any more damage done upon me.





    Im just looking for advice, suggestions, any kind of help that you can give will be helpful:)





    thanksHow to ';run away'; from the negativity of family? Advice please?
    how old are you? Do they still have a right to control you and set restrictions on coming home at 3am wasted?





    I was a party kid teen - 20's. My parents hated it but when i got older i moved out - and learnt the tough way what its liek to 'have a little bit of happiness and be responsible for myself and myslef only'How to ';run away'; from the negativity of family? Advice please?
    uhh





    well i dont have an answer but im in the same boat
    well


    if you are financially stable you have to move out of the house and let our life go on, but if you dont have money than damn we are in the same situation. I really am sick of my siblings and tey are so ignorant and would do exactly the same thing if i came home late

    Made A Few Mistakes, Hurt My Fiancee And Family, Advice Please....?

    I've Made A Couple Of Big Mistakes Recently, Supposed To Be Getting Married To The Woman Of My Dreams, And Found Myself Signed Up To A Singles Site. Didn't Talk To Anyone, Had No Intention Of It, But She's Found Out And Now Our Future Is In Ruins. I've Written Her A Letter, And Sent Flowers And Said I'm Sorry. She Is Very Angry, And Hurting Badly, I Spoke To Her This Morning And She Said She Is Sleeping All Day Because She Didn't Sleep A Wink Last Night Through Thinking About It. I Don't Know What To Do, And I Need Some Advice, I Know I'm In The Wrong, So Please, Don't Shoot Me Down In Flames, I Need Some Honest Help, Maybe With Writing A Letter To Tell Her How I Feel, And That She Is Wanted. She Also Thinks I Am Interested In Her Best Friend, Which I Have Promised Her I Am Not, But I Cant Seem To Make Her See That. Advice ? ?Made A Few Mistakes, Hurt My Fiancee And Family, Advice Please....?
    This is going to take a great deal of work, and YES - she will be hurting, as you have given her very good reason NOT to trust you.





    Don't write to her - she will only twist your words / read between the lines and find another reason to attack you.





    You need to give her a bit of time to sleep so she can think clearly, but don't leave it too long.





    If I were you, my next move would be to ask that you meet her again in person. Tell her that you were very wrong signing up to the Singles Site, and that you were only being curious and stupid.





    Tell her that you have no feelings for her best friend - other than to be nice to her because you respect her choice of friends.





    Tell her that you are so sorry for causing her any doubt, and ask her what you need to do to prove your love to her.





    If she responds favourably, then there is a chance that you will be able to work this out together.





    There is counselling for pre-married couples. Maybe you could suggest this to her?





    Hey - I won't shoot you down... sometimes we need to 'test ourselves' to realise what it is in life that we truely want.





    It's nice to hear a man declare his love to a woman - and remember ';Any man can make a mistake. It takes a great man to admit to it';...





    Take care and don't beat yourself up too much.Made A Few Mistakes, Hurt My Fiancee And Family, Advice Please....?
    Write the letter, give it to her and back off and let things cool off for a while. I don't understand why she got so angry since as you say ';you didn't do anything yet'; but she feels betrayed anyway.


    Good luck !
    When You Write The Letter, Make Sure Every Single Word Is Capitalized.
    Even before the start she has lost trust, and just for being on a singles site. After marriage so many other distractions will come up to test the relationship. Try discussing with your head instead of the heart to sort out the issues before proceeding. If you can not have deep commitment, trust, understanding, love it'll be better to opt out at this stage then at a later stage when things will be even worst. You have the options - decide the best for both of you.
    Here is the deal, bucko. You did not just ';find yourself'; signed up for a singles website. You went in, filled out the info, and did the entire process with full knowledge that you had asked someone to marry you.





    I have absolutely no sympathy for you, and quite frankly I think that your fiancee would be crazy to go ahead and marry you under these circumstances. She deserves a man that will honor and cherish her, and you aren't exactly striving for excellence at this point.





    Good luck to you, maybe she will stay with you if you get super lucky.
    First you need to be honest with yourself as to why you were on the single's site? Were you scared? Wanting to see who else was out there before you settled down?





    I understand why your fiance is hurting - she feels disrespected, humiliated and that you cheated on her with your thoughts. You need to be honest abot your motivation in order for her to be able to forgive you.





    Marriage is about love, respect and good communication.. Start offby respacting her, but she also needs to forgive your humainty.





    Good luck

    Someone stole 1100 dollars from my family. Any advice?

    My parents run an animal hospital. They were worried money might be going missing so they counted the money this morning. They shuffled it all up again so it didn't appear like it was counted. Then Heidi, an employee of ours, took out 200 dollars of it to use as a float for the business for the day. Barbie, my mothers sister, was in charge of depositing the 1400 dollars that remained. When my parents got home they checked how much was deposited and saw that only 300 dollars was deposited. They confronted barbie about it, and she acted clueless and surpisingly non concerned. They called the cops and they will soon ask barbie to take a polygraph but it is not manditory. Barbie 2 weeks ago said she was going to cut off all contact with our family, but we didn't fire her because we thought that would make our grandparents upset and mad at my mother. So now barbie has 1100 dollars of our money, and we can't prove it. Any advice? Would calling a private investigator help at all?Someone stole 1100 dollars from my family. Any advice?
    Yes call a detective check the tapes








    Ps.- hire a security gurd @ security guardsSomeone stole 1100 dollars from my family. Any advice?
    I believe you've done all you can do unless you actually witnessed her steal the money. Above all, get rid of her.
    So, why do adults keep such large amounts of money around for people to steal... Why did you not just deposit the money and this whole thing of trying to catch some one stealing is all bogus... You did not catch any one stealing -- want to use the theft as a tax write off.. And just keep the money for yourself for spending...I would never work for some one as dishonest as your parents...
    You are out of luck, all you can do is fire her and call the police.
    You coddled the thief not to upset grandparents ?


    That was dumb and $1100 appears to be the price of the lesson .


    If there is a thief , the grandparents should come down on the side of integrity ,


    If they don't . . . they're not worth it .





    The PI would cost $$$ and unless you have a video of her taking the $1100 , you still have no proof .





    Think they'll be coddling any more thieves ?





    %26gt;
    If Barbie really did take the money, as opposed to Heidi or anyone else who had access, and if she is smart, no investigator is going to be able to find that money and prove it, so it is your business's word against an employee, who now can sue you for wrongful firing, for libel slander ... she will claim she stole nothing, and you all defamed her name, her good reputation, and will want a heck of a lot more than $ 1100.00 from you to repair that.





    Operating a family business can be especially dangerous when you make decisions based on family (grandmother) instead of good business sense.





    Do you expect an employee to travel from the business to the bank to deposit over $ 1,000.00? Are you properly insured against that person getting mugged?





    You can put hidden cameras looking at where the money is stored, with motion detection so they not going 24 hours a day, just when people doing something there. Be sure to keep track of who has access to the cameras, so that when you find money missing, and a gap in camera tape, you have a clue who may have put the gap there.
  • laura mercier
  • Forever will be the baby in the family.. advice?

    I have two older brothers. Once is 23 and the other is 27. I'm 19. No matter what I do, I am always being treated as if I'm 13 or something by my mom and brothers. I mean, I know I'm young but I'm very mature. I'm the only one that completed HS and that is going to college. I've never been in trouble nor do I drink or do drugs. All I'm asking is to have the same freedom my brothers had when they were my age. Nothing I do nor say is enough to prove that I'm not a baby anymore. I've talked to my mom about it but she says that I'm always going to be the baby. Any advice or comments??Forever will be the baby in the family.. advice?
    hey..i feel ur pain!! honestly there isn't anything u can u do...i kinda stopped trying...i am 18 and my parents just kinda started realizing that i wasn't them...Forever will be the baby in the family.. advice?
    did I write this question???? look it, i'm 23 and I'm a guy. I have total freedom at my mom's house(where i use to live at until a month ago). however, i felt like i always got treated like a baby. everybody looking after me. also the only one who goes to college. and felt like telling them leave me alone, i'm a grown man. so i moved out, that didn't help the situation more. you should've seen the big deal they made about me moving out...and its because of that, i will always be the baby. my older brothers and sisters don't want me to make the same mistakes they did and my mom doesn't want to lose her baby, that just means she's getting old!!! it hella sucks. but you can't do much. just enjoy life and know that you're a grown women, but let them think you're the baby, 'cause you will always be the baby, and take all their advice.





    ps, you could so take advantage of this hahaha jk
    that really sucks.


    you should tell your mom that she should trust you because you know the difference between right and wrong
    Baby of 4. Only girl in my generation on both sides of the family and baby on both sides..... I know about this.





    You will be treated differently because of at least 2 reasons.


    1-- You are their baby, you will be even when you are 45 married and have 10 kids of your own.


    2-- You are a girl. There is a need to protect you more than with a boy. They feel that boys are somehow safer because they are not as often the target of violence (rape, abduction....)








    Just an example... On my 23rd birthday I asked my dad how old he thought I was his reply was like 16 or 17. He was being completely honest. It is hard for parents to see you as growing up. It will happen one day but it will not be a short road getting there.


    Be patient and know that they love you and they are only trying to protect you.
    If you are 19, are you still living at home, are your brothers still at home too? If is mature of you to finish high school, now consider college or trade school, do something that will show then that you are approaching manhood. Get a job, move out, begin your adult life.


    Yes, you are always going to be the youngest, but show them that you are not a baby.


    Your parents may be disappointed in your older brothers and they may be a little over protective of you. Discuss it with them in a calm mature manner, they will get it.
    tell the you arent a little kid any more


    i really hate when ppl do that to me


    my parents still buy my bright T-shirts with flowers with smiley face UGHHHHH

    Pregnant at 18. How to tell Parents? Family? :] ADVICE?

    I'm 18. I am currently in college in my first semester. I have been with my now fiance for over 4 years and we're still going strong. He's 20. He is in his junior year of college and applying to Law School next year. I am pregnant and I obviously have to tell my family. I would be 19 by the time I had my little guy/girl. I am a little worried about telling my mom and dad. I know they won't be ecstatic, but I don't think they'll be super pissed either. If you are around my age (preferably 17,18, or 19) how did your parents react when you told them you were pregnant? How did your family react? How should I bring up the situation?


    THANKS :]





    Ps.


    --Please don't sit here and lecture me about being young, I know I am. But at least I'm not 14.


    --Also, if you are going to tell me he's going to leave me, hold your tongue, he's not, this isn't Jerry Springer.


    --I am asking for advice on how to tell the parents/family, I don't need to hear how you think I ';screwed up'; ... because I didn't.








    We are very excited! And I know he is going to be a great Daddy :]Pregnant at 18. How to tell Parents? Family? :] ADVICE?
    I also wasn't pregnant, but right after I turned 19 I *really, really, really* thought that I was. I missed my period and had a lot of pregnancy symptoms. I just called my mom and I told her what was going on, and she just comforted me and told me that if I was everything would work out, but that she didn't think I was. Turns out the phone was on speaker phone so my dad heard too. Both of my parents were really, very considerate and helpful. They weren't pissed because I've had the same boyfriend for 2+ years (who was also very helpful and willing to stay with me through thick and thin) and they tried to do anything they could. And the next day, my period came. Hah. I think it just depends on the relationship with your parents- mine are generally really loving and open to just about anything. You will know how they will react better than any of us ;) Good luck %26amp;%26amp; congrats!!!Pregnant at 18. How to tell Parents? Family? :] ADVICE?
    well i got pregnant at 17 in 2007 but had the baby when i was 18..but i just walked into the kitchen where my mom was and told her i took a pregnancy test that was positive and she didnt really say much about it..she made me a dr appt and sure enough i was pregnant..i was crying and she was smiling lol she was the one telling me it would be okay =] best of luck
    I wasn't pregnant, but I thought I was at 17 and told my mom. I just had her come into my room and closed my eyes, while crying, and told her I thought I was pregnant. She took it really good and said getting mad wasn't going to change the situation. Good luck :) I am happy for you!
    I'm 19, I'll be 20 when I have the baby. My mom just took a deep breath and said, ';Well, good luck.';





    :))





    My mom doesn't talk much. But her prerogative is that as long as we're able to take care of the baby, age doesn't really matter.
    First off, I think that you are right, at least your not 14,15,16 years of age. and congrats. I am 21 and pregnant. Im not in college but I am independent as soundsyourself. If you think that they might be pissed , then they will more than likely get over it. Im sure they will be proud to have a grandbaby after the smoke clears. I suggest that you sit them down at a nice dinner, with your fiance, and both of you just say,'; we have something to tell you, and we want nothing more than support and love in this situation from you. I found out that I am pregnant, and I know what this can do to my future,which makes me only want to strive more for the sake of my unborn baby. But it wouldn't be the same if I didnt have you there for and with me. ';so what do you think mom and dad......


    try it out. It might work, and good luck with your pregnancy and family
    FIRST of all.. congrats!


    Secondly, If your parents arent going to be going balistic on you then I wouldnt worry about it too much. I have had 4 friends that have been in very similar situations and have helped them out. Luckily only 1 of them had grouchy parents and they just said that they werent thrilled and then said ';so what are we going to do now?'; So I'm sure you will be fine. Just be up front and honest. :D Good luck hun!
    I fell pregnant at 19, and my parents were great about it, my partners however were less than tasteful about it.





    Honestly, I did feel a lot of embarrassment. My parents felt very sorry for me, as our combined incomes were less than impressive, but we still managed to pay off all our stuff (Lay-by was a GODSEND!)





    My mother didn't even find out I was pregnant through me, I still to this day have no idea how she found out, and thats what hurt her the most was finding out through a rumour.


    My mum was constanstly sending down stuff for the bub, and helping where she could, and dad was just as awesome.





    My partners family went off their heads at us, swearing, calling us disgraces , so to this day I still don't fully feel comfortable being there.





    There really is no beating around the bush, to be honest if you've put on a little bit of weight or if the boobs have grown a bit, they have probably started suspecting it already.
    first of all i think its pretty rude to say that at least your not 14, cuz there teen moms out there that can take care of a child better then 20-30 year women. I was pregnant at 16 and like every other teenager i freaked about how i was going to tell my parents, but at the time my bf left me and i was doing bad at skool. And pretty much she found out on her own because, a mother of 5 she new right of the base i was i was going to keep it away till i showed but she said i made it obvious lol i dnt knoe how but she just new, she started crying but they she just faced the fact that her first grandchild was coming so she got over it. And by wat you say i dnt think your mom would be mad she might cry but not mad because you seem like you knoe wat your going to do and your still wit your fiance and you guys seem very happy, so everything should go good! GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS ON THE LIL MIRACLE%26lt;3
    My mom was upset/disappointed. I would say she came off as mad, but it really was more upsetting. My dad was upset obviously because I'm his youngest girl. He didn't show it though. They both just supported my decision to keep my baby. Even though it wasn't a plan for their 17 year old daughter to get pregnant while still in high school they are helping me a lot and love my baby already. A good way to tell your parents is to just sit them down and say that you need to talk to them. Tell them it wasn't planned, but you're pregnant and you want to keep it. Tell them you're going to continue your education (if you are), and do whatever you can to support your baby. The worst thing to do is to tell your parents you're pregnant and have nothing to say when they ask you how you're going to support it, or how you're going to raise it. So just be prepared.





    I'm 17 and pregnant so if ya wanna message me or anything feel free =)





    Good luck!
    I know how you feel. I would just sit down with them and come out with it. The way I see it is you have to tell them eventually, well... either way they'll find out. So you should just come right out with it. If your boyfriend is close with your family have him sit down and do it with you. No matter what parents are obligated to love you, and once it sinks in and they accept the fact that they're going to be grandparents, they'll probably be excited too!
    well this is my story. My husband (now) and I started dating when I was 16. His parents were compleatly against it since it was about to be his first yr in college and my junior yr in high school, and he was going to be 2hrs away. Regardless, of what they thought we managed to make it without any trouble at all, believe it or not. He visited me every single wk end, until my last semester senior yr when my mom would allow me to visit him as well. So I finish high school and move in with him. A yr later once we've been living together, he proposed. We got married Sept. 12 2009 and Mid October I found out I was pregnant.





    so overall. we've been together for almost 4 yrs, married for 2 months, and I'm 9wks prego tomorrow.





    My family was super happy for us, his not so much at first, but they've come around. We didn't know how to tell them, but we just sat them down and came out and said it. best way to do it, I think.


    I just your family together and let it out. You'll be fine. We're fine.


    Wish you the very very best of luck
    Hey girly :) congrats on the little bundle of joy lol . well i am 18 and 27 weeks pregnant with a little girl. i told my parents on my birthday, i thought they were going to kill me if this every happened! well anyways i told my mom and she asked me questions like how far along are you( i was 3 months at this tiem) and if i have been to the doctor and ect. i texted her lol . well she needed a day to think about it and it fine now and very happy. my dad ,i had my sister tell him cause he wasn't at home at the time so she told him he called me and he was soooo happy! shocker! he jsut said things happen for a reason and dont be sorry, i told my grandparents threw email and they were just like my dad so every one is hella happy. good luck hun email me anytiem
    I was 15 when I got pregnant and had my first. I was terrified to tell my mom so I wrote her a letter explaining that I was pregnant and how far along I was and that I know she would be dissapointed in me and so on...I then left the letter on her pillow before I left the house one day. This gave her time to digest what she was being told and time to think about how to react. When we saw eachother the next morning she told me that she was disapointed in me but she would be behind me 110%... which she has been. I moved out about five months after my son was born with his dad(big mistake)...and she still stood behind me. Now three and a half years later she and I are best friends I am 19 and a single mom of two...she knows I make my share of mistakes but she will always be there for me and actually she was my coach when my daughter was born four days ago.





    Good luck and congrats on the baby!!!
    I'm not a teen, but I thought I'd would advise you to say what I'd hope my own daughter would say.





    As a parent, the straight forward approach is always best. You've been together for four years, so it's not like they're going to be totally astounded. You said he's your fiance, so you already have plans to be married.





    I would hope my daughter, along with her boyfriend, would come and talk to me like two mature, young adults. Have a plan of action, as in how you all plan on taking care of the child. I would want to know if you were going to finish college, and would want to know what his family thought as well.





    If you want to continue school and need their help with the baby, ask about how they could assist you in continuing your future plans in college. Find out some facts on daycare ect. I think if you go to them in a mature sensible manner, they will be more confident in your ability to confront the challenge of being a young parent.

    I'd like to bond with his family. advice?

    Me %26amp; my boyfriend have been together for a while now, but I feel guilty that I sleep with him and his parents don't really know me. I'd like to bond with them. Get to know his parents better, but I am an extremely shy person. I am shy because I was very close with my Father/Godfather and they passed away reccently. My mother is a very cruel woman. She constantly wishes me dead, wishes I was never born, calls me worthless, and she has hit me (only like 4 times in the past 3 years). My father/Godfather truly loved me and without them I don't feel safe. I guess that's why I am shy and scared of getting to know them because I fear of my past. How can I get past this and start bonding with them?I'd like to bond with his family. advice?
    I would just simply tell them, then they can excuse your shyness. and then let them get to know you.

    I need emergency family law legal advice concearning my son and custody?

    wife dropped son at doorstep tonight, need to know how to file the paperwork for an exparte hearing tommorowI need emergency family law legal advice concearning my son and custody?
    better get up bright and early and head to your lawyer's officeI need emergency family law legal advice concearning my son and custody?
    Been there and done that, almost. I had to file an emergency temporary custody order for my kids when my ex (we were separated at the time) tried to take my girls and not give them back. I had a lawyer and the financial support of my mom. I would go to the courthouse and ask the circuit clerk for the paperwork to file a motion for emergency temporary custody based on abandonment. Fill out the paperwork, pay a filing fee ($165 in Alabama, different in each state), and get it signed by the judge. For me, this included my lawyer tracking the judge down, explaining the necessity of her signature right that moment, and driving across the county to the restaurant she was having lunch in to get her signature. It's a lot, but it's worth it. That's what my lawyer did for me in a matter of a couple of hours. Have your child's social security number handy. Hope this helps.
    Go to your lawyer first thing in the morning and file full custody of your son. You tell him that your wife abandoned your child. What a horrible mother. You have a great chance on winning since she just gave up her son to you. Don't do this alone, you need a lawyer.
    i wish i knew the exact answer to ur question but all i can suggest is u call a lawyer first thing in the a.m. and find how legistics of it all , time frames, paper work etc.. i say time frames because i doubt seriously they'd consider it abandonment based on her dropping ur son off with u for only 1 night.. so u really need to find out the particulars from a lawyer..
    You can get free legal advice on websites like LawGuru, FindLaw. Check this out for more info http://www.uelp.org/freelegal.html

    I'm 17. I Need some family advice. Help please?

    I'm 17 and my parents are divorced. I will be a senior this coming school year and planned on graduating in half a year. I also have played football all through high school, but I decided that I did not want to play my senior year because I do not really enjoy it like I used to. I told this to my mom and she said that I do not know what I am talking about and she said that she would not let me graduate early if I did not play. I feel that I should be able to make my own decisions. I need some adult advice please.I'm 17. I Need some family advice. Help please?
    Call her bluff, if you are willing to own your decision and all possible results. You should be able to make your own decisions, and she cannot force you to play. In the meantime, you should be speaking with your school counselor in the fall about your academic schedule and your post-graduation plans. She may change her mind if she sees that she cannot control you, but if she doesn't change her mind, then stick to your plan anyway. Maybe you can take some Advanced Placement classes and earn college credit, if you need to stay in school.I'm 17. I Need some family advice. Help please?
    ask her *why* she wants you to play; she obviously has a reason. it could be that she's just worried that you want to stop because you're depressed (or something like that) and she's pushing you to play because she thinks that will help you feel better. at any rate, if you find out why she's pushing this point, at least you have something that you can discuss.
    do what you want, she can not make you graduate at the time of her choosing. its all on your shoulders buddy. if you don't want to play she cant force you too. or just tell her i shall not allow you to come to your graduation she if makes you. just flip the tables on her
    Is your mother generally a good parent?because I would think that she would like the idea of you wanting to graduate early,is your father not involved in your life?ask him for his permission if he is involved in your life...
    Talk to your counselor at school about your dilemma. Maybe they can help with your mom.
    thats so stupid. you should be able to decide what sports you want to play. tell your mom that youwill play another sport if you can graduate early
    You should just play... you caould get a really great scholarship for college. It would be worth the free education.
    Hey. I guess you could consider me an ';adult'; because i'm not a teenager anymore. But look, your mom wants what's best for you, and that seems clear to me. It might seem irrational to you (after all, you don't enjoy football, so why play it?'; But I said the same exact thing about playing the piano when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I see so many people who can make beautiful music and express themselves in such a unique way, and I can't because I ';got sick of it'; in elementary school even though my mom told me to stick it out.


    Now, the things that I DID follow thru on (softball and tennis) to senior year, are things that I value so much because they taught me discipline and team work. I hate to break it to you, but there is something fundamentally wrong with American youths these days: a lack of discipline. I've met kids from Asia and Africa who are just appalled that Americans give up so easily, that they quit, or get divorced, or move or change their habits. It's those who are disciplined and stick things out even when we don't ';enjoy'; them that really succeed in life and find out what true, hard-earned happiness means.


    You could really get something rewarding out of football this year, even if it's just a proud look from your mom for obeying her. In my experience, it's always better to go with the wisdom of your parents, particularly when you think they're full of ****.


    Just my thoughts.
    Wow this is a tough one. I am a mom and my son just graduated high school a year ago. He also played football through high school, but he enjoyed it. He did not graduate early, because he wanted to spend the rest of his time at school with his friends. I believe that maybe you should talk to your mom. Maybe it is an organized activity that she is more interested maybe to keep you active and focused. I always believed that a busy kid is bound to find something else to do than to get into trouble. I am not saying that you are not a good kid, sounds good to me that you are asking for advice on a serious matter. I personally think that I could not force my teen to do anything they didn't honestly want to do, but I would surely stress that they do something organized. Good luck with your mom. I am sure she means well. It is not easy being a single mother. Enjoy your senior year.

    I'm 17. I Need some family advice. Help please?

    I'm 17 and my parents are divorced. I will be a senior this coming school year and planned on graduating in half a year. I also have played football all through high school, but I decided that I did not want to play my senior year because I do not really enjoy it like I used to. I told this to my mom and she said that I do not know what I am talking about and she said that she would not let me graduate early if I did not play. I feel that I should be able to make my own decisions. I need some adult advice please.I'm 17. I Need some family advice. Help please?
    Call her bluff, if you are willing to own your decision and all possible results. You should be able to make your own decisions, and she cannot force you to play. In the meantime, you should be speaking with your school counselor in the fall about your academic schedule and your post-graduation plans. She may change her mind if she sees that she cannot control you, but if she doesn't change her mind, then stick to your plan anyway. Maybe you can take some Advanced Placement classes and earn college credit, if you need to stay in school.I'm 17. I Need some family advice. Help please?
    ask her *why* she wants you to play; she obviously has a reason. it could be that she's just worried that you want to stop because you're depressed (or something like that) and she's pushing you to play because she thinks that will help you feel better. at any rate, if you find out why she's pushing this point, at least you have something that you can discuss.
    do what you want, she can not make you graduate at the time of her choosing. its all on your shoulders buddy. if you don't want to play she cant force you too. or just tell her i shall not allow you to come to your graduation she if makes you. just flip the tables on her
    Is your mother generally a good parent?because I would think that she would like the idea of you wanting to graduate early,is your father not involved in your life?ask him for his permission if he is involved in your life...
    Talk to your counselor at school about your dilemma. Maybe they can help with your mom.
    thats so stupid. you should be able to decide what sports you want to play. tell your mom that youwill play another sport if you can graduate early
    You should just play... you caould get a really great scholarship for college. It would be worth the free education.
    Hey. I guess you could consider me an ';adult'; because i'm not a teenager anymore. But look, your mom wants what's best for you, and that seems clear to me. It might seem irrational to you (after all, you don't enjoy football, so why play it?'; But I said the same exact thing about playing the piano when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I see so many people who can make beautiful music and express themselves in such a unique way, and I can't because I ';got sick of it'; in elementary school even though my mom told me to stick it out.


    Now, the things that I DID follow thru on (softball and tennis) to senior year, are things that I value so much because they taught me discipline and team work. I hate to break it to you, but there is something fundamentally wrong with American youths these days: a lack of discipline. I've met kids from Asia and Africa who are just appalled that Americans give up so easily, that they quit, or get divorced, or move or change their habits. It's those who are disciplined and stick things out even when we don't ';enjoy'; them that really succeed in life and find out what true, hard-earned happiness means.


    You could really get something rewarding out of football this year, even if it's just a proud look from your mom for obeying her. In my experience, it's always better to go with the wisdom of your parents, particularly when you think they're full of ****.


    Just my thoughts.
    Wow this is a tough one. I am a mom and my son just graduated high school a year ago. He also played football through high school, but he enjoyed it. He did not graduate early, because he wanted to spend the rest of his time at school with his friends. I believe that maybe you should talk to your mom. Maybe it is an organized activity that she is more interested maybe to keep you active and focused. I always believed that a busy kid is bound to find something else to do than to get into trouble. I am not saying that you are not a good kid, sounds good to me that you are asking for advice on a serious matter. I personally think that I could not force my teen to do anything they didn't honestly want to do, but I would surely stress that they do something organized. Good luck with your mom. I am sure she means well. It is not easy being a single mother. Enjoy your senior year.
  • laura mercier
  • Would you please give me any family advice consultant?

    Iam 32.what i should do when a teen 15 come and make me as a trusted friend?


    iam 32.i stay with a nice family for four years.at that time the girl is 11.when she is in any trouble i just listen to her.now there family that mean her mother and father also close to me.now a days she love a man 28 who is distance relationship of them.she share her feelings when we are alone and she give me a box of letters and told me don't try to read them. now iam scared that may be i fall in trouble because of her.how i can avoid like that matters. i can't go somewhere, cause they can cantact me at anywhere.what i have to do?


    2 hours ago - 3 days left to answer.Would you please give me any family advice consultant?
    Hi there,





    You must tell this girl that she is way too young to be dating a 28 year old. I appreciate it that she trusts you and you don't want to betray her but I'm sure you don't want to see her get hurt either.





    If she won't listen to you then your only other alternative is to tell her parents about it.





    Don't worry you have done nothing wrong except be a friend to them but be a good friend now and speak up.





    Good luck with this!





    Cheers...

    Help with my niece and nephew!family advice?

    I have been taking care of my 3 year old nephew and my 2 year old niece for the last 2 years,my sister sarah left them with me when my nephew was 13 mos and my niece was 6 days old,she decided she didn't want to be a mom.I have not heard from her at all since she left,no letters,no calls-nothing.I have been thinking and i decided that i might adopt them,i have gardianship of them but its not the same,my family is torn by this descision,my parents are against it,and my seven brother's and sisters have mixed feelings.None of them have heard from our sister and no one knows where she is or if she even alive.The kids call me mommy and my boyfriend daddy,there own dads are unknown.I love my sister but i deeply love my niece and nephew and i think that 2 years is a long enough time for my sister to come back for them if she wanted.My parents and siblings don't want to care for the kids-my parents for health reasons and my siblings have either kids of their own or just don't want the responsibility of them,although they love them.what would you do in this situation?should i wait or adopt them?Help with my niece and nephew!family advice?
    You are a wonderful sister. If your sister comes back and has her life together, then she should have a second chance with her children. But stay close by. I would also contact a lawyer or legal counsel just to find out what chances you have of getting them if she comes back and doesn't have her life together. You didn't mention any drugs or anything. Some people just are not ready to be parents and are afraid to mess their kids up. They need to come back when they are more mature.


    You have been taking care of these babies as your own. You have been their mother and are and should be very protective of them. You should definitely adopt them if your sister hasn't come back for them by now. You obviously love them and family is the best way. You can share the good stories with them about your sister, and make them feel like they will always be loved. Help with my niece and nephew!family advice?
    hon its good she has a sister like you im feel happy to here that you have taken them under your wing and i agree 2 years is long enough i would adopt them give them a real family and tell her she ever comes back you lost your chance. good for you hon
    Put them up for adoption, look into it, their are many fine families in your community who would love to adopt the kids
    I can't imagine what you are going through, I would adopt them, give them the stability they need. Good for you!
    adopt them

    I am looking for relationship and family advice.?

    I am a stay at home mother of 4. I feel so stuck at times. My husband works 45 hours a week or so. When he gets home he does what ever he wants he never helps me with the kids. I just feel like we are stuck in a rut. We never do anything any more. Not even with the kids all we do is stay home. I take care of the kids and he does things for everyone else.(HIS MOTHER) I am just looking for some advice on how to be more in love and have a better relation. ThanksI am looking for relationship and family advice.?
    sit down with him (without the kids around) and talk to him. be open, honest and rational. don't get over emotional about it. let him know that it isn't that you just want help with the kids but that you want time with him. we all want (and need) to feel important to someone else. start with a date night for the two of you. let the kids stay with a sitter. do something the two of you enjoy. go to dinner and talk. don't do a movie because you can't connect in a movie. take the time to remember why the two of you got together. once you've reconnected with your husband you can involve the kids.





    as for needing time away from the kids for yourself. i totally get that. try to start a co-op with other moms. each mom akes the kids for a morning a week. it's a trade off. or find support groups for mothers.I am looking for relationship and family advice.?
    why do you need to change if he is the one neglecting his family?





    you need to tell himi you are feeling stuck. we have 3 kids, we both work and are exhausted when we get home, but we make sure to have family time with the kids and us. It is VERY important. Sure there ar times when I want to just sit and do nothing, but with kids you need to interract. he should also be giving you a break from time to time to go get nails done, massage or just go to the store by yourself. You need alone time so you dont go CRAZY!





    I would mention to him that you need him to help out some.
    Talk to your husband about your feelings. Plan a ';date night'; once a week. Get a babysitter (friend or family if you can't afford one) and do something fun without the kids. The children will see it's important for their mom and dad to spend time alone and it should become routine.


    My husband and I started this once his son moved in. We were so overwhelmed and knew we had to carve the time out for ourselves if we were going to make it work.
    tell him you've got to start having some time away from the house %26amp; kids or your gonna go insane. tell him your hiring a babysitter to come every thursday for instance from this time to this time %26amp; do something for yourself. not grocery shopping or anything else, something that is just for you - whatever you enjoy. trust me, its a lifesaver - you'll have a whole new attitude! good luck!
    The grass is always greener where you water it. I suggest you fight for your marriage. You both are probably neglecting to meet each others most important emotional needs. Recommmit yourself to your marriage covenant.
    I would sit down and talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel. And then remind him that you need stuff done around here as well. Yep they always going running to their mommy's don't they!!
    you get a job. sell the house and pay off all your bills. start over again.
    Find a part time job

    15 Year Old In Need Of Family Advice (URGENT)?

    First off i am 15 years old. I do not stay with my mom because she has a boyfriend who hates me, but yet has no job, is known for multiple drug addictions, has served multiple times in different jails, and does not supply anything of need to the ';Family'; besides...food stamps(and even then my mom rations me to food at my own house because ';Brad might get mad';.) He tries to pick fights with me, which we have been into physical conflicts more than 2 times. Both of which he pushed me to start. He tells my mom to call DSS on me and take me to foster care in which she agree's and at one time said ';I will in the morning';. I told her it was either him or me, because when i'm at home there is always tension between him and I. She told me I have no say in the matter. Well, choosing not to get into anymore conflicts and stay away from jail, I told my mom I would be staying with a friend and he and his family will take care of me. Because I have not been at home I haven't had a ride to school, now it is at the point where in a week or so I will be truant and they can take me to jail for it. I need to know how I could go about being adopted by my friend and his family. My mom will try to fight against me being adopted, and act like she really cares, but im completely prepared to go through any and all of the emotional stress i know will come with my decision. He is 20 years old an is the one that has been taking care of me for right at a month. He has talked to my mom and told her to not worry about feeding him that he would supply everything that i needed, and has. His mom would be the one adopting me. She would also have me enrolled in an online home schooling program in which both of his sisters ages 5 and 16 are enrolled. its completely free and the school also supplies a laptop, and high speed DSL internet to the residence of the student. (ConnectionsAcademy.com) If you have any suggestions please tell me.





    P.S. I have nasty ingrown toenails my mom has known about and not done anything for in months. The last time I had them the doctor told me next time he will have to cut my toe off if it goes on too long. I've had them again for 6 months. I also asked and my mom told me I don't have medicaid, But with me being only 15 and her not being to financially stable i dont see why i dont have some type of government issued health insurance. Will either of these help me in the legal process of being adopted?





    I know what I will be having to let go being adopted, such as losing my mom. But I am willing to because she isn't taking care of me and she won't anytime soon. Please let me know how to go about this without it coming down on me about school and not being able to make it. I would rather be homeschooled anyways because im so far behind, but seeing as she wont withdraw me from school so that i can be registered into homeschooling and start doing it on my own terms, i have no choice but to stay away from the school knowing that i will be arrested for truancy as soon as i walk in. Then i would have no say of how to go about getting this done in a legal fashion. Really, what judge will listen to a 15 year old run away, over his emotional mother in a court room. We all know that as soon as she hears im serious she's gonna realize she cares. But ive given her to many chances and ive officially made up my mind. She'll always be a friend, but shes got to earn being a mother.





    Please Help Me.





    ~Drew.15 Year Old In Need Of Family Advice (URGENT)?
    When I wanted to leave home at 16, an older friend eventually agreed to put me up - just like you - by the time I was 17. She was 24 at the time and agreed to become my legal guardian. My parents signed and it was a good arrangement. Your friend isn't old enough, but his mom is, and it sounds like she is willing. This keeps your mom as your mom for when she sees the light and gets rid of that idiot. And it also puts less of a commitment on your friend's mom.





    The other thing you can do is try and apply for emancipation, where you are recognized as your own guardian. But this is much harder to do, because you have to prove you have shelter and income.





    While your home situation is neglectful and difficult, I personally wouldn't recommend going through CPS. First, there would need to be a history of calls about your mom since there is triage - they have to take the worst cases first, since there aren't enough resources to serve every child in need of help. And the burden of proof is upon you too.





    You might also go to a runaway or teen shelter and talk to a coordinator there and ask about what medical resources might be available. City clinics might also be a good place to go. They often have sliding scales and will provide treatment for very little, depending on your circumstances, which is much much better than going to the ER. The ER at the public hospital has to take everyone in, but they would send your mom a huge bill, so it's really better to act sooner before it's a crisis and talk w/ people who can work out a payment plan.





    If your mom is receiving food stamps, I also don't understand why you don't qualify for some healthcare. Do some research on-line or have your older friend or his mom look into that.





    I don't know what the rules are anymore about guardianship or what your friend's mom's financial situation is, but it could be that your friend's mom as guardian might be able to apply for food stamps for you, since you would be part of HER household then. In fact, your mom and her deadbeat boyfriend may no longer qualify for food stamps with you out of the house, (you didn't mention other siblings)





    Hope I've been of some help - guardianship is a good way to go.15 Year Old In Need Of Family Advice (URGENT)?
    ask the people that want to adopt you how to go about doing it.
    well if your friend and his family are finacially able u need to get a lawyer asap. also with the toenail thing that is neglect and she cant say its because no medicaid. there are ';by your income'; clinics everywhere and if it comes down to it u can go to the ER and they have to treat u, of course thats a big bill but when u have no other chioce its what u must do. the only other way other than a lawyer is to try your luck with childrens services which may result in u becoming a ward of the state and put u in foster care they will give your mom a chance to prove she wants u and the drug using boyfriend and your mom will be drug tested and evaluated if there are drug use allegations. they will be given so many chances to clean up their act if not they will have their parental rights terminated which will make it able for them to start the adoption process. but by then u will be about 18. i hope this helps and good luck
    First of all you could never lose your mother; she gave birth to you it sounds like you really love her, and just want her to care about you. While you were at home did you try keeping your mouth shut and going into your room or your space letting these two have it with each other, and leaving you out of it.? Just like you left home to go to a friends home you could have call the police when this person put his hands on you. However you can not hit him back or say ugly things to him take it for a minuet and first chance you get ( go to a neighbors house) call the police, and tell all about the drugs and the Domestic violence, more then likely weapons as well (just don't you have one) don't tell anyone in the house that you are going to do this. Just a thought if you have to go back. Second your health and well being is at stake you must get to a doctor /Er right away by any means necessary, Who was the doctor that saw you the first time? He/She knows your case go back to that doctor, money is not your concern for this issue. Thirdly, school is so important you can't do anything or go anywhere without your education it sounds like you know this. What do you do all day if you don't go to school? How far behind are you in school? It will take a minuet for any legal stuff to happen, and you need to get back into school or get started in home schooling. I know you like this idea of home schooling, but is it the right thing for you? Everything is not for everyone. If the (adult) person that you are staying with is truly interested in adopting you then the fastest way to get this process started is to ask her to go to the court and get the necessary paper work for guardianship. She/you can go on line and check out what is needed in your state. Your mother will have to agree and sign the paper work. This could be temporary giving her time to think about what is really going on, It should only take about 30 days, mean while you really need to do something about your schooling, and your health care the judge will take all of this into consideration as to if this person is best for you at this time. Have you or this person's mother that you are staying with called the school and explained what is happening with you. some states send out teachers to tutor students or send them to an alternative school. They do all they can to keep a student in school if they know what is going on. You are growing up this must be hard on you, but you have taken the first step right or wrong, your life is not to bargained with, your mother is your mother and not your friend at this time, maybe when you grow up and become a responsible person. Make sure that you are right in all that you do and say. Another thing from you what you wrote your friend informed you mother that you were staying at his house with his family this does not make you a run-a-way, your mother knows where you are and whom you are with. Drew, Get to the doctor, get into school of some sort, get counseling talk to your mother, above all things pray. Do the right thing stay strong

    Caught between two halves of my family, advice?

    My parents divorced when I was young and it wasn't until about 3 years ago that I was able to interact semi-normally with my father. Since then, I've discovered he and I have a lot in common and have come to something of an uneasy peace. He has been good enough to pay child support this whole time, and even when his salary increased dramatically, my mother never took him back to court to get her child support raised. This is despite the fact that she was supporting three kids and in a bankruptcy. Recently my youngest sibling turned 18 and, even though my dad agreed to pay child support for three more years (in writing), he is refusing to pay and is taking my mother to court. He doesn't have a leg to stand on legally, so why is he doing this? Hasn't he hurt us enough?





    This is upsetting me so much that I almost got into an accident yesterday. I no longer live with my mother, but I am still caught between them. I feel awful that my other siblings will have to be there to see this ugliness happen. Has anyone else been through a similar situation that has some advice besides ';Don't get involved?';Caught between two halves of my family, advice?
    Is your sibling going to go to college? If they are then he does have to pay and taking your mom will only make him look like a lousy father. I know you don't want to hear this, but other than maybe telling your father how you feel, you should stay out of it.Caught between two halves of my family, advice?
    I am lost why would any of you expect your dad to keep paying after the kid is grown why doesn't the 18 year old get a job. The cost of living is rising and even thou your dad may have wanted to pay extra to help your mom out there was no way he would know how things would be currently. Maybe he can't afford it now with gas and everything else being so high. Have you considered that.
    One of the many sad things about divorce is that the waters get muddy and its hard to see clearly, Your parents made the decision to divorce, and are forced to live with the results, You on the other hand get to share in the misery, I am sorry for your grief, but that's the way it goes
    I don't know why he has to pay child support if the child is actually an adult. But if he decided to take your mom to court, maybe financially he just can't afford it. I mean c'mon she is 18, she's not a kid, tell her to get a job.
    Well he has a leg to stand on once a child turns 18 he is no longer


    required to pay child support them are the laws. She may have something in writing but he has the law in his court.
    It's hard not to be involved when you see the pain this has caused the family, can he take your mom to court, yes,.. if it's in writing, the judge might make him pay., might....
    Why don't you give your father the respect of a phone call. Maybe he has a good reason.
    WELL I DONT THINK THAT ITS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM TRYING TO TAKE HER TO COURT ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOUR SISTER IS 18 HOWEVER A WRITTEN AGREEMENT IS TAKEN IN CONSIDERATION BY A JUDGE AND YOUR MOM MAY WIN ESPECIALLY IF HE AGREED AND HIS HANDWRITING IS ON THE PAPER....HOWEVER OTHER THAN THE NOTE HE SIGNED HE REALLY DOESNT HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT ANYMORE BECAUSE SHE IS 18 AND THAT IS THE LEGAL AGE FOR CHILD SUPPORT TO STOP AS WELL AS ADULT/HOOD





    PS I HOPE ALL WORKS OUT IN YOUR MOMS DEFENSE BECAUSE YOUR DAD DID SIGN AND AGREEMENT SAYING HE WOULD PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR 3 YEARS BUT TO BE REALLY HONEST I THINK THE COURT IS GOING TO DENY YOUR MOM BECAUSE OF THE LAW.
    As much as you don't want to hear it just don't get involved. I know this is tough to do, but your parents have to do this on their own. Try to see where both of them are coming from. Your mom needs the money to support your sibling, but what is the reason that your dad is not willing to pay now. At 18, unless they are attending school, a person could easily find work and partially support themselves with the help of a roof over their head. This may be your dad's way of saying ';Child go and get a job';.

    Coming out to friends and family advice?

    Today i finally plucked up the courage to tell my one of my best friends that i was gay, but am terrified about telling my main group of friends as their full on christians and am worried that they will reject me. ive heard what they think of gay people and how they think its wrong and doesn't work. the same is for my mum and step dad they hate seeing gay people on tv kissing. After telling my mate that i was gay i felt so happy about myself but the thought of telling the other people scares me so much. does anyone have any advice???Coming out to friends and family advice?
    well, congratulations for having the courage to come out to at least one of our friends. this is a situation where when you come out to friends, you are going to find out who your ';real friends'; are. and that really a good thing. unfortunately, people that you thought were your friends will turn out not to be your friends, just because you tell them that you are gay. and if that is the case, were those ';friends'; really your friends in the first place? friendship should be totally unconditional. friends accept friends no matter what one friend tell another friend. and keep in mind that not everyone in the whole world is going to be your friend for whatever reason.





    but the most important thing here is that you are wanting and starting to come out. and you will find that coming out is a thing of personal freedom. you might lose some ';friends'; but in the big picture, when you come out you will gain alot of new friends because you can totally be the real you with all of your friends and not have the worries of what your real friends think about you being gay. because you will find out and know that your real friends don't care at all about your sexual orientation at all. Coming out to friends and family advice?
    Take it slow. You might not want to take on the whole group at once, maybe just a couple trusted ones (like your bf) at a time to have someone to help comfort you if things go bad. your friends may surprise you and be more open to understanding you than to stereotyping you since you are their friend. We can only hope though. Don't do anything mroe than you're ready to do.
    Honey, i had the same situation, i told my best friend who by the way, was the most homophobe on earth LOL! He was shocked and didn't speak to me for a couple of weeks but he changed his point of view and he said that he loves me no matter what and guess what we've become bestest friends forever. And he supports gay rights now. About your folks, that's a completely different situation, i never came out to my parents, i'm just 20 but i knew they couldn't deal with it. But i will someday soon. All i'm trying to say is, if your parents really love you from the bottom of their hearts whch i believe it's true, then they will get along with this but it's gonna take a while and you should talk to them about the whole thing and tell me that there's no such a thing as CHOICES and it's genetics. Anyway you're living in the most industrialized country in the world after all, what about gay people who live in middle east? Thank god we're here. And one more think, if u think your parents won't handle the truth then don't tell'em untill you can stand on your own feet, my friend got his *** kicked by his folks and they kicked him out and he was living on streets for a while, so remember when you drop the bomb on them, there's no coming back if they're not supportive. But if they love you dear, those are the ties that bind and you'll have your family and friends forever. I wish ya the best of luck.
    If your family truly loved you, then they'd accept that your gay.


    If you friends really are friends, they'd accept that your gay.


    As for me, I have no problem with you being gay cause it's about love, not gender.





    Plus I think it's pretty cool.
  • laura mercier
  • Pregnant, And very angry at family! Advice.?

    Here it is. I am 22 and my husband is 23. We have been married 7 months and are 8 weeks pregnant. I am the youngest of all the Adults in my family. Everyone else is 30 Plus.


    This 4th of july is my Cousins Bridal shower. I will be 6 months pregnant. Were traveling from Michigan to Pittsburgh for the Shower...My Aunt has 5 bedrooms with queen size beds. She has offered everyone else Bedrooms and left either the Couch or there Small Motor home in her Driveway for me and my husband.(it's july, and there is no bathroom or AC in this tiny motor home with bed.)..Everyone who is staying at My Aunts home is My parents, My 30 old cousins, other counsins and the Bride....


    I am a little upset that they demand that I come but not make arrangements for me and my husband. We will rent a hotel but they said they Want us to stay with them but there not making arrangements for us to make me Comfortable.


    On top of that, When it was my Shower, I had to sleep on the Couch and give to beds to the ';Older'; people. So 30 is soo much older.





    What can I do to keep me comfortable and to keep my family in the mean time also happy because I am there.Pregnant, And very angry at family! Advice.?
    Okay, this makes me mad! I would be furious at them. I don't care what age someone is - you are pregnant! They should make sure you are comfortable and taken care of. You have a precious life growing inside of you and they need to recognize that. This is so like my family! The older people get everything, screw everyone who is young. I have always hated it and you just have to put your foot down and say something. Tell them you think they are being inconsiderate and if they want you there at all, they'll have to deal with your choice of accommodations. Good luck!Pregnant, And very angry at family! Advice.?
    There is a sane;


    Respect your elders for they are wise, and respect your youth for they will soon be elders!

    Report Abuse



    Did you say something to them? Sometimes people forget about things, especially when planning a wedding. You know how much stress/forgetfulness that involves! Say something to your cousin or aunt or parents or any of the other adults. If none of them are willing to give up their rooms, I'd have second thoughts about the whole trip period b/c obviously you aren't that close!
    I would just rent a room nearby and just not make a big deal of it, just let them know since all the rooms are taken, you will get a room nearby, you will be needing to get up to go to the bathroom during the night, and don't want to use the grass! You'd think your parents would give up their room so their pregnant daughter could get a good nights sleep.... Good luck!
    I would just let then know that you will be staying at a hotel because you will not be very comfortable at 5 months pregnant sleeping in someones driveway with no air or bathroom. They should understand that. Maybe they will even feel guilty and offer you better arrangements than they are making.





    Good Luck to you!
    I would go ahead and get a hotel room and if they really want to make accomodations for you, then tell them they need to either give you a room to stay in or pay for your hotel room. At 6 months pregnant you have no business staying somewhere uncomfortable or without air conditioning in July!
    do they know you are pregnent? Just tell them that you need an actual bed to sleep in because of the baby. So if they want you to stay with them they need to provide that or you will get a hotel.
    Do what makes YOU HAPPY.... Being pregnant you need a bathroom, and AC... don't worry about them.
    that is terrible! i feels so bad for you!


    tell them either you get a room with AC and a bathroom or you will get one-and they will pay.


    you will be 6 months pregnant, uncomfortable as it is, and you need a bathroom and AC for the baby and you. you have a human being inside of you, a beautiful baby. if they dont accept either a room there or a room elsewhere, i wouldnt go. and also, if they ever come to your house, dont go out of your way to make them feel comfortable.

    I would really appreciate some family advice from strangers as don't know what to do..?

    My mother and father divorced when I was a baby, he was a womaniser . He never kept in touch with me or my mother. A few years back I got in touch with my fathers side of the family. They are brilliant and I love them very much. my father does not want to meet me , he is married with two daughters aged 15 and 20. he has not told them I exist.! I am 33 and sad that my father does not want to know me but reckon he is just not worth it. My dilemma is that I want them girls to know that I exist and feel unhappy and sad at the situation. I want to go to Israel ( where they live) and tell his wife and girls in the nicest way that I exist.My dads family think I should do nothing and be happy with being with them and having them in my life, which I am , but I still feel sad about the situation.Opinions welcome, Should I do something or do nothing?I would really appreciate some family advice from strangers as don't know what to do..?
    I think you've done enough - you let his family know of your desire, but you shouldn't be so blatant as to force your way into his other family. Unless you are invited, it really isn't your place. The fact that you are so adamant about this leads some to believe you want to do it out of spite - like it's a way you can throw a wrench into your father's new family life. Perhaps they are happy - do you really want to ruin that for them? Regardless of how you feel about your father, did these other people do anything to cause havoc in your life? Of course not, so why do that to them?I would really appreciate some family advice from strangers as don't know what to do..?
    Dont do anything. I know it sounds bad but how about if his wife now doesnt know he was married and had kids? That would mess up his relationship there.





    Besides, you said yourself that he doesnt want to meet you. Would you really want to travel over there just to be rejected face to face?





    Leave him alone - Its him thats missing out. Enjoy the rest of his family though.





    Stu


    xxx
    I would do something, they are your family, you have a right to get to know them. If your father doesn't want to see you, ( i think thats really wrong by the way) thats his choice, but he can't speak for his two daughters.
    Go with your heart. Go with what you think is the right thing. :-) If I were you I would try to have somebody tell my dad for me if I couldn't reach him. And if I couldn't, then I would just leave it alone :-) hope this helps
    if he doesnt want you in his life... now that your an adult. you have no right to destroy his family!
    If you just go to israel and turn up on their door step it will end up causing lots of problems and complications.


    Why don't you write to him and tell him that you would like to meet him, his wife and your two sisters.


    In your letter give him your mobile number and ask him to phone you in private, (ie., when his wife and daughters are not around).


    Just bear in mind that he mind not phone you stratight away, it could be some time before he does.


    However, when he does, tell him that you would like to meet him and his family and ask him why he has kept you a secret from them. there could be a perfectly could reason for him doing this.


    hope this helps.
    That's nice of you to want to do that, but maybe he has a very good reason for not letting them know of you. But i mean you do have a point but before you make any contact i think you should think this over long and hard because your life is going to change when you do tell them. And hopefully they will accept you into their family without any complications. But i think you should talk to your father first of all and hear what he has to say and well basically get to know him before you do something like that.

    Dad's ignorant parents and family... advice please?

    My parents divorced when I was 2. My mother left because my fathers family was emotionally abusive to her. My dad is very close to his family. We all live in the same town. My mother remarried and my dads family hate her.


    The problem is. They have mistreated me all my life. His sister is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and she would stick her finger in my face and boss me around as a small girl. His brother would stick me in a closet when he would babysit all the kids while my dad was at work. I am not close to my cousins either. We've never been taught to be close and they have an attitude towards me b/c they've heard so many things about my mother.


    My dad says he loves me and he has always stayed in my life, but I think it's only because he wants everyone in town to think he is a good father. My mother left him and its his pride. If he admits he and his family are screwed up then he admits my mother was right, and he would rather die because he and his family lives to make my mother out to be the one with the problem.


    My father has never been there for me emotionally or financially. He has never stuck up for me. He is a musician and he's even dated strange women that he let mistreat me. Because of his sister and mother he is attracted to strange women. He is very weak, like, he tries to be too nice to everyone and please everyone, he acts like a woman really, not a man. Oh, and he still lives with his parents and he is 60. And when I go over there, my grandmother is civil but cold... she would like for my dad to have nothing to do with me. A if I am my mother? How ignorant to take those jealous feelings she had towards my mother onto me. Her granddaughter. She is strange woman.


    My mother is an alcoholic so I really have had it tough all the way around. She is not there for me either. She's drunk all the time.





    So, should I move away and start fresh? If your 'family' was never there for you then you don't owe them anything. Maybe they all did me a favor? And I really, really, really want my father out of my life. He's done much more for an adopted kid (yes, he met a a pregnant waitress at a club he was playing at and she did a great con job to get him to be the father of her kid... sucker.) then he ever did for me or my older brother. I resent that. I was in an abusive relationship once and he thought I deserved getting beaten up -- of course this was to benefit him so he could show everyone how awful my mother was and he wanted to hit her too when they were married, but he didn't cuz he's such a great guy. If I deserved getting hit then that shows my mother was the one in the wrong.


    Yes, a therapist told me I have extremely selfish parents.


    so, move away? Cut these ignorant people out of my life? I often get really depressed and I think it's because I am stuck in this miserable position. If I move away then I can finally be seen for who I really am inside and I think my depression will go away. I go months without talking to my mother, and my dad always tries to sabotage anything good in my life. I call him the voice of doom. Even my older brother has too many problems for me. He dates strippers and has no respect for women... When I was younger I tried to kill myself a few times with pills, but now I just want to move away. Where would I go? How do you start fresh?Dad's ignorant parents and family... advice please?
    I admire your courage for thinking about moving away. It can be very difficult to go somewhere, even if you don't like what you are leaving behind.





    I think I would continue couseling and perhaps meet with a holistic health person (maybe an herbalist) who can help with plant and food based support for your depression. Then I would take stock of what I -did- have... do you have close ties to friends? A love for a particular place that comforts you? And decide how much these things mean to you, so that you can figure out how far away you want to move. It can be as simple as a few towns away, or as complicated as across the country.





    I am a shy person, and I would probably move only a short distance away... maybe an hour or so. That way I could still feel reasonably secure in knowing something about the area, and connect to my friends easier when I was feeling overwhelmed. I don't know what kind of career you have, but it may be easier to adjust if you still have a career you can commute to while you're job hunting for something closer, especially in today's economy.





    But that's just me... some people are much bolder than I and would leave the state in a heartbeat.Dad's ignorant parents and family... advice please?
    One thing you always have to remember is that you are not them! I feel that every child is entitled to have two parents who love him/her with all of their heart and I'm really sorry that your parents cheated you out of that! Obviously your parents screwed up but that doesn't mean you have to let it screw up your life too.





    I think a move might be just what you need. You don't have to move far, maybe a few towns over. Then get involved in the community and/or church make a good name for yourself. People like your dad's family want to see you fail because it makes them happy to see someone more miserable than they are. So prove them WRONG! Go out and do good things, get an education, marry a good man. You need to rid yourself of all their negativity. You don't necessarily have to cut them out forever, but I do think cutting them out for awhile may be just what you need.





    You are SO much better than them. Don't let them bring you down to their level. The best way to get back at them is by being a success!





    I know it's hard, I had a dysfunctional childhood too. But you are and adult now so YOU are in control of your life now, not them. You have the power to cut them all out of your life and not let them sabotage you ever again. I wholeheartedly believe it is better to have no family than a toxic family.





    Feel free to e mail me if you would like...and good luck!
    WoW...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You say they are selfish but let me point out to you...you say these people have never been there for you, yet you know all about their lives and have been around them. This is a hell of a lot more than most kids get. Some fathers don't want to have anything to do with their kids...some fathers DO and the MOTHER does everything to keep the kids from seeing the dad.





    Where is your empathy toward people that have issues? You think you are perfect? You seem to expect them to be. I doubt you will find a perfect family...someone that doesn't have a freaky aunt or an alcoholic some one or a divorced someone, etc. Families are made up of imperfect people...





    You need more therapy....learn to love you mom even if she has a sickness. Learn that you are responsible for what happens in your life, not your dad.
    Yes, cut all ignorant people out of your life, get some self-esteem and define boundaries. My family is toxic and dysfunctional. I have dealings with them on MY terms when I do associate.


    Forge a new identity for yourself and work hard to improve your life. Always be sure your actions and thoughts are in line with your goals and your best interests. I feel for you.....and the most important thing I can impress on you is not to let your family talk you out of living your dream, going to college, starting your own business....anything. You are a person worthy of happiness, respect and love. Only surround yourself with people who are positive, who treat you with respect and who you can trust.
    I had a similar situation through foster care and adoption. At 17 I joined the military and haven't spoken to them since. They were never a family to me. I used them as an example of how not to be towards others. So far leaving them behind was the best thing that could have happened to me. This is all distant past for me, I am now a veteran.
    Unfortunately, we are born into a family that is not healthy. So when we grow up we need to make our own family- wether it is friends or a loved one-BF. First you need to get away from them so you can heal and be strong with the help of a therapist. Being in abused relationship can make us a bit unstable..If you do not start a fresh life you will continue the cycle of abuse and when you have children it will repeat..Take your unpleasent experience and turn it into a positive one..


    Get help and make sure you are completely different when you have children..Loving and responsible.


    You have a choice- stay with your family or not..Just cause they are your family it does not mean you need to stay with them...and make your own family..I do not mean get married I mean be with people who are loving and caring- friends etc.


    Donot get sucked in to their drama-You can easily with time save as much $$ and move away- Go on line and look for a job and relocate lose contact. When you are much stronger if you want you can come back and see them...Make you visits very brief and leave- that is if you want.


    Remember you cannot change people but you can change how you respond to them. If you respond differently they will respond differently as well..


    Go away and start a new life....Please see a therapist for help-they will give you insight in dealing with family issues.


    Good luck. Remember not all families are like that..You have loving and caring families out there..So start making your own...It is a beautiful experience and feeling..So go start your life..