Parents Death & Family (Advice Please)?

Dear Whomever,





[Background: ]





Recently my father passed away while I am still in my mid twenties. I am the youngest of my older brother. Because of a prior divorce between my parents, my father has been living alone in his own house for many years. I also have been living with my father in his house. My father and I have been on great terms ever since he passed away.





In the past and up until my father鈥檚 death, my father did not get along with my older brother. For this reason, my older brother was kicked out of the house and my father would no longer see my older brother. The only keys to the house were in my possession and in my father鈥檚 possession.





Because of the past behavior of my brother, I also have stopped talking or seeing my brother. It has been at least 2 years since I have seen or spoken with him. He has done some bad things to both me and my father. It is why both my father and I have stopped talking to my brother.





My older brother has been living successfully in his own apartment with his girlfriend. They are not married. But they have both had a college education and have been living well without speaking to me or my father.





Unfortunately, my father did not leave a will and so everything (house and property) has been going through probate. The passing of my father has been very much unexpected (so my father didn鈥檛 make a will) and I still having issues coming to grips with everything.





The only room available within my father鈥檚 house is a room that my father and I used for storing stuff. So the room is packed with a lot of stuff! It is packed to the ceiling! I have been living in my own room in my father鈥檚 house for many years. Everything that I own is in my father鈥檚 house.





[Question:]





Suddenly, everything has changed! I have had no choice but to see my brother and his girlfriend recently after my father nor I have seen my brother for many years. Because my father passed, I have no choice but to have to see them on a daily basis.





As you can imagine, I am in a tough position and have cried endless nights over this. In a lot of ways, I feel like I am the one who can so easily be taken advantage of. And, I really feel all alone where I have no one to get advice from; I don鈥檛 have a girlfriend or anyone to express my soul to. I don鈥檛 even know what to do or where to begin. I am so very taken aback by everything!





Recently, my older brother has requested to move into my father鈥檚 house with his girlfriend. I honestly feel that it would be quite an awkward situation to have my brother and his girlfriend move into my father鈥檚 house after my father nor I have seen my older brother for many years! I feel really strongly about this! I feel like he鈥檚 taking advantage of the situation and thinking really only about himself and his girlfriend.





The reality is that the house will be split between me and my brother because of probate. I honestly know this would not be the will of my father, but I have taken a look at reality and know there is nothing I can do about that considering my father didn鈥檛 leave a will. I have already had to cope with a lot of things that I know my father wouldn鈥檛 have wanted. And, I know he wouldn鈥檛 have wanted me to suffer through this situation in this sort of way.





I cared a lot for my father, and so it鈥檚 hard for me to realize things will have to change now because of this. I feel I need time to cope with things: meaning that change needs to happen at a pace that I feel comfortable with and in a way that is respectful towards my father鈥檚 wishes.





My brother and his girlfriend have the expectation that they can come into the house and essentially gut the bedroom that has been used as storage. In fact, we have no idea where we would even put the stuff that is there. And then my older brother and his girlfriend plan to move into the bedroom. On top of that, my brother has a dog, a bunny, and a cat that he expects to bring over to my father鈥檚 house. My father and I already had our own dog.





I sort of feel that it would be somewhat unethical for my brother to bring himself and his girlfriend so suddenly into my father鈥檚 house. If they did move in, I would feel awkward with my older brother having his girlfriend go through my father鈥檚 stuff. I don鈥檛 feel that is her right to do so! I feel that at the very least that going through my father鈥檚 stuff should be something family does. Plus, if they did move in, I feel awkward about having my older brother and his girlfriend in my father鈥檚 house when I am not around. I would like to know what stuff among my father鈥檚 is being gone through. Can anyone understand this? And I don鈥檛 want to end up being at work while my brother or his girlfriend are living in my father鈥檚 house and going through my father鈥檚 stuff when I am not there.





What sounds more reasonable to me is that I continue living at my father鈥檚 house just as I was doing and knowing that my father was happy I waParents Death %26amp; Family (Advice Please)?
Hmmm, I don't have an answer for you, but I do agree with you that your brother moving in is a bad idea. I wouldn't want his girlfriend or him going through you fathers stuff. Like you said, you could go to work one day and come home to the entire place being gutted and everything having been sold/pawned whatever. My advice would be to get a lawyer ASAP to wade through the legal BS. So sorry for your loss and with time things will get better. Good luck. Parents Death %26amp; Family (Advice Please)?
First ,my sympathy on the passing of your father.It has to be overwhelming not only dealing with your father's passing but also with the settling of his estate.Since your father did not have a will stating his wishes concerning the house in all likelihood his estate will go t probate court and his estate will be divided according to the laws of ';distribution'; of probate.You and your brother will more than likely have to sell the house unless you can afford to buy out your brother's interest in it.You will need to get a lawyer to assist you in this to save yourself a lot of grief. A lawyer will act in your best interest and protect your rights.It takes time to settle an estate because it is necessary to post notices of your father's death so anyone who may have a claim against the estate can seek their legal remedy. If your father did not make funeral arrangements and a plot you must take care of this.A lot of issues will need to be addressed before either of you sees a dime of your father's estate.I would imagine the estate would have to remain intact until this issue is resolved in probate court.
Hi, sorry about the loss of your dad, that must be really hard on you.





Life is for living, regardless of whats happened in the past your brothers your brother, and he's family, try to live in the present and try to build a relationship with him.





As far as the house goes, your brother has as much right to be there as you do, I can totally understand how you must feel because of this, but regardless of how well everyone got on before, his dad has died too, not just yours, a simple solution would be for you to take everything that you want to keep, plus your own stuff and find a new place. This will surely be something that you'll have to do in the future anyways.


I understand that you want everything to stay the same, but that just isn't an option, so you and your brother have to reach a compromise that will suit you both, you never know you 2 living together might be a great way for you to bond!





As for the girlfriend, I agree, she shouldn't be going through your fathers stuff, that should only be down to his sons, both of them!





Ultimately you can't keep all your fathers stuff, you have to decide what important to you and get rid of the rest, apart from practical reasons, it wouldn't be healthy for you to live YOUR life surrounded by your fathers stuff, life is for living hun, and thats what you need to do!