Family Advice Is Needed.?

my brother and his gf both in their 40s are seeing each other a year.


He does NOT want to marry at all, while she DOES.


She has invited our family over for dinners and events and we have done likewise with her, however, I am saddened my brother does not want to marry her and is just using her, which he said recently.





So, he is involving both families, and emotions and whatnot.


When I see her again, I will be extremely sad knowing my brother's intentions, and have told him not to use her. Should I still go to her place? Because my heart is sad, and my mother is upset as well. I don't want to say anything to her, but yet, it causes strife. HELP!





NOTE: We are raised old fashioned to have relationships, and then marry when we become serious.Family Advice Is Needed.?
That's hard, but I'm sure your brother will do what is right in his time and not by his family pressurising him .


If he loves this woman He will commit the right way.We may not be happy with how our families live but we cant live their lives for them.


If you really like this woman Why should you stop seeing her ?? you will only end up hurting yourself and her to because she will think she has upset you.


I confess I done it backwards and Im 42 , I lived with my then partner(now husband) a year before we married It was'nt right in Gods eyes or my families but they gave us the space we needed.


Just be patientFamily Advice Is Needed.?
Your mom should maybe remind him how she raised him! You both need to let him know how you have LOST all RESPECT for him and insist he call it quits right now, before everyones feelings grow deeper.


Let him know what a low life pig he is!!
You can still be there for her, be her


friend, she will need someone to talk to


once she finds out what kind of a bf she


has, shell eventually find out, women have


a sixth sense about these things, a lot of


girls thing Oh I can change him or if he


loves me he will change, let me tell youuu


ive been married for 20 yrs and no man


changes, if hes a good man when you


met him then hell remain that way if hes


a jerk hell remain a jerk till death.


All you can do if youre an older brother is


give him some advice of the good woman


he has and he might loose her, but theres


not much else. If you were raised old


fashioned how come hes different? But if


you and your family like her doesnt matter


if they fall out if shes still a good person


why should that relationship suffer.


A year ago my brother was divorcing his


wife and we like her a lot and hes a jerk


tried to stop us from talking to her and was


going all crazy and whos side are you on


a couple of months later they got back toge


ther and we had distanced ourselves a while


from her and then he wanted us to talk to


her again you know. I told him are you crazay or something, talk to her, dont talk to


her you dont tell me what to do buddy.
Why don't you want to say anything to her? You know, by saying nothing you are abaiting your brother in his use of this woman. Can you really live with yourself?





You know, I'm reminded of the Charles Stuart case here in Massachusetts. It's a bit extreme, but similar. He got a brother to help him kill his wife. All of his siblings knew he had murdered her, but they still went to her funeral, sat by her mom, dad and siblings and exclaimed over how terrible it was. All the time, they were covering up for their brother.





I understand the desire to protect your brother, but at some point you become a ';user'; too. When we truly love someone we expect them to be a good person. Your brother isn't being ';good'; and on some level you know it. You can't bring yourself to tell her, so instead you thinking about cutting her off (which is what will eventually happen anyway).





So, if you really wanted to do the right thing, you would tell her what is going on, but since you are so afraid of conflict it's probably best to tell your brother you are going to refuse their invitations and if she asks, you are going to tell the girlfriend to ask him why you won't go.