Wedding Question/ Family Advice?

My fiance and I have decided to just go to the justice of the peace to get married quickly since we just found out we were pregnant. This is not the way we wanted our wedding nuptials to be, but we are trying to make the best of it as much as we can. We had a dinner with both sets of our parents and conveyed to them that next year, August 2010, we would like to actually renew our vows under God and have the wedding reception we have always dreamed about. We thought all was good and well until I find out my mother has planned what she said was just a family dinner, but the more she talks it sounds like a reception which is being planned out in a way I would never approve of. When I tell her I would just like them to contribute to the wedding/reception that my fiance and I would both like she freaks out. It's like she has her own agenda and didn't even take into account what we had expressed to her of what we would like to do. She says stuff like ';What you don't want to be around family';, etc. She claims my grandparents are paying for everything, but I know she is at least paying for half...She has already told basically all of her side of the family, but I don't want this half-@$$ reception even though she just claims it is a dinner....any suggestions of how to handle this nicely even though I know it is going to be blown out of proportion....Wedding Question/ Family Advice?
You said, ';When I tell her I would just like them to contribute to the wedding/reception that my fiance and I would both like she freaks out.';





That, unfortunately, won't work. If she contributes one dime, she's going to want a say in things.





Suggest you use your backup plan and pay for it all yourself.





My wife and I paid for our own wedding and reception. We didn't want any drama or UNWANTED input. We had total control.





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*Wedding Question/ Family Advice?
Well, if she says hers is just a dinner, you treat it as if it's just a dinner.....do NOT dress up in wedding attire, and do not participate in stuff like first dance, cutting the cake, yada yada yada-if it's suggested look surprised and say ';But you said it's a dinner, NOT a reception';.





If she choses not to contribute to your vow renewal you will just have to pay for it yourself...you will be a married couple by then and any kind of party you choose to host will be on your nickle anyway-that goes with being married adults.
If you do not want her ';half a $$ '; reception as you put it, then I suggest that you PAY for your reception yourself.





You were the one that did things WRONG by getting preggo out of wedlock. It is YOU the one that decided to run to the courthouse. So, you are the one doing things wrong way here.





I'm sorry, but you are in no position to be demanding anything. You will be a married woman already, vow renewals are typically done 5-10 years down the road. You cannot have it both ways.





You are not entitled to anything. If you do not ';approve'; of the style of reception that she is willing to pay, I suggest that you open your own pocketbook and pay for it yourself and do things your way.





Wedding re-dos are tacky anyway. So kitsh and in the poorest taste. I'm sorry sweetie , but you are not impressing anyone with your bratty,childish, ingrate and immature behavior. You will be a married woman with child... isn't a bit late for white dresses? Who are you trying to fool?





Good luck





PS/ Your mother is entitled to spend her own money the way that she seems fit . She is right, vow renewals are small family gatherings, not full blown up events that would be frown upon. Suggest you decline her financial contribution immedietly. It is quite clear that your mother has manners and knows better.. and you don't.
Plan and pay for your own party/dinner next summer if that's what you want, but it's not a wedding reception.
I would say you have two choices as far as her dinner goes. You can show up and refuse to do anything ';wedding-y'; as others have suggested, or if you know there's going to be a cake and a first dance and so on, you can refuse to go.





I would definitely say having your own reception next summer, along with a vow renewal (or you could even call it the actual wedding ceremony. We're getting married by the justice of the peace a week before our wedding to save on hiring an officiant, and we're still having a full ceremony), would be great. Don't expect your mom to pay for it, especially if you don't go to her dinner, but you can pay for your own.





You can't make your mom do what you want, but you can still have the wedding you want.





Also, if you want to find some like-minded women to help you with the whole process, check out Offbeat Bride Tribe. It's a community of brides and there is zero negativity (seriously. the moderators delete anything negative almost immediately). It's a great place to be.
Being that you have already put the cart before the horse, Why don't you just have a wedding and reception now?





It doesn't matter if your pregnant now or you wait until Aug 2010. What will 10 months do to make anything different?





This way you can help with the planning and do things your way. And you avoid a big ';blow out'; with your mother.





Your not going to hide your pregnancy from family and friends, they will know soon anyway. Those things come out very early.
PLEASE TAKE MY ADVISE AND PUT A STOP TO IT RIGHT NOW!!! I experienced the same thing my mother went crazy with my wedding (getting married in 3 days) and i really resent her for it. Im looking forward to getting married but not the wedding, i wanted just a really small wedding with minimal family and just a few friends and now i feel horrible its suppose to be our special day but i dont feel it bc of how she handled things. i tried to put a stop to it earlier in the planning but she would burst into tears, now i really regret letting her manipulate us that way and not being able to enjoy this day completely. im having people i dont even know at the wedding bc of her AND we are paying for the wedding.


My advise do what YOU want to do, its not fair that you sacrifice your happiness for hers, she had her moment when she was young if she didnt have a chance to have the big wedding she cant live the moment through you, and its not true that we all dream of the BIG princess wedding, i dont!!